put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize