we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
