yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
