Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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