$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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