Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
