Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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