you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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