Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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