I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
