unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Walk of Shame today included voting.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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