I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
