I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
