Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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