shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
