PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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