Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
