How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
