Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
