i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
