Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
