he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
