it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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