Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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