I'm sorry my penis didn't work
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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