so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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