Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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