it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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