dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
