I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
