Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
