woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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