SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
