I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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