I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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