I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
