Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we're making bets on your personal life
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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