my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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