Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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