i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I love you. Go after that dick
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