new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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