I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
