I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
