mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize