dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
