Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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