420 ftw
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
