i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
