Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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