Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize