I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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