Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
