The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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