Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
