My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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