Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That accounts for only three of the penises
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
