is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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