A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He? As in you personified your dick?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
