I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
