i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
