i barfeds in our rink
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
