Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize