I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
