this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
