Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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