remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
