I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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